Plot Your Course!


The Top 42 Reasons
Why Captain Kirk is Better Than Captain Picard

Noteworthy Statement: I did not make this list up.

42. One Word: Hair.

41. Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.

40. Kirk would date Beverly Crusher--and damn the consequences!!

39. Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.

38. Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk.

37. Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis.

36. Kirk can almost drive a stick shift.

35. Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.

34. Kirk never pretends to be a barber to gain a tactical advantage.

33. Kirk never once stood up and had to straighten his shirt.

32. Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.

31. Kirk's first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge.

30. Kirk never leaves the bridge to bawl somebody out.

29. Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes.

28. Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.

27. Kirk never once said "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!"

26. Kirk never got "dumped" by a woman for an intergalactic busy-body named after a letter of the alphabet.

25. If something doesn't speak English--it's toast.

24. If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.

23. Picard never met Joan Collins.

22. Picard hasn't fathered any children; Kirk--probably millions.

21. Kirk has a cool phaser--not some pansy Braun mix-master.

20. Kirk knows how to deal with peace-loving hippy goofs.

19. Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won.

18. Kirk barely asks for suggestions. And if he does, he asks Spock only.

17. Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.

16. One Word: Fisticuffs.

15. You can never lock up Kirk for very long.

14. Kirk plays god with lesser cultures, then exploits them for resources.

13. Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.

12. Kirk can climb up a Jeffries tube and fix anything.

11. Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.

10. The Klingons didn't have a word for surrender--until they met Kirk.

9. Kirk's bridge is not beige.

8. Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really cute things, like Tribbles.

7. Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LAY-Z-BOY for the bridge.

6. Kirk would never touch SYNTHAHOL.

5. Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis, and even the Pentagon--easily.

4. When Kirk says "Boldly Go," he MEANS it.

3. Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, met God, and wasn't even impressed.

2. Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a ponytail.

1. Three Words: Flying Leg Kick.